Between the raindrops

I want to see you smile
Feel your twinkling gaze fixed on me
So when the crushing desolation
Of my selfish heart
Enraptures me
Confines me
I can remember
A fleeting splay of joy
Before this creature inside my chest
Decides it is too tired
And needs to rest
And my selfish heart stops pumping
And my traitorous body stops feeling
And my numbed mind stops grieving
And my depraved soul starts fading.

Shiny stars.

Maybe some people burn brighter than others
Maybe they're like the stars we watch, Shining from our windows in the night sky
Maybe sometimes
We put up our hands
And curl them in the open air
And pretend that we can actually touch them.

But the truth is
They will always feel alone in a crowd
They will always glance wistfull
At the people around them
Wishing they didn't burn. At all.
Because some people
Can't be fixed
Because some people
Are meant to be broken.

"And in the end
We were all just humans
Drunk on the idea that love
And only love
Could heal our brokeness"
    - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Dwelving into the Wilderness

You know i have never really resented being a girl that seriously...until today of course. Shopping at centaurus!
Every islamabadi girls dream!
Brands from both karachi And England in one place!
Hallejuyah Civilisation!. No.
To be blunt it sucks ass. Whereas my brother just has to throw on a jacket and some 'chapals' . We ladies have to fix our dupattas, make sure our clothes are appropriatley baggy or tight (according to whether you have an abundance of over protective brothers loitering around) and then last but not least smother on some suspiciously sticky substances onto our lips ,in some cases our never ending suffering is prolonged by devices like eyeliner or 'surma'. Finally we are ready to set out! Break some hearts! Journey into the Great Perhaps!
Again.
No.
When at last we reach centaurus we have to paste permanently uninterested expressions on our faces, lest some wayward onlooker believe we have emotions.
If you look too excited people will assume you just entered the city from your farm. Look too happy and people will assume you are depressed or just clinically insane.
Look too angry and they will assume you are rude. Yes this plethora of prejedice and judgement has a name.
S-O-C-I-E-T-Y.
Of course to add to our joy we have...
*drumroll please*
The Pindi Buoys!
Confused? Let me define them for you.
Pindi Buoys: (pin-dee boo-uys) adj.
Describes a set of the male species who do not necessarily hale from rawalpindi but nevertheless act like it. Sypmtoms of this disease includes roving eyes that look all female persons (regardless of age and parda levels) Up and Down. Most specimens are known to salivate, have crazy eyes and be exceedingly ugly. (Like seriously Uglaay)
E.g:
*girl wearing dupatta walks by* : Hello Baybeeee *makes kissy face*
*girl wearing hijab walks by* : Hello Baybeeee *makes kissy face*
*girl wearing hijab, abaya and niqab walks by* : Hello Baybeeee *makes kissy face*
*old lady walks by* : Hello Baybeeee *makes kissy face*
You see what i mean?
But to continue. Onto the shopping itself!
Now to be honest we do have a lot of decent shops. The problem is that There Are Too Many. Four Flipping floors of constant walking and dragging bags with no rest. Screw treadmilling this is enough exercise for a the rest of my life. If i was a guy i could just flop down on the ground and close my eyes. Ugh. Ironic that a Y chromosone could make so much difference.
Oh and god forbid we decide that we don't exactly want enough floral prints to last a lifetime and might prefer something a bit thicker ...because you know, It Is Freezing.
The second we venture into the male section for a hoodie or even *gasp* a SWEATER congragulations because all eyes are on Us.
(All the best stuff is in the guys section of outfitters, coincidence? I Think Not!)
Not to mention we have to hoist our purses, avoid tripping on dupattas or even abayas in my case. All this and more makes the simple experiance of shopping a real life  run of the Hunger Games.
Bleh.
Now after a long day of shopping aka Hell all i want to do is burrow under my blankets and have chai and aloo ka somosa. Do Not Judge.
Aloo ka samosa fixes everything. It has the magical properties of Chocolate. But cannot compare to chocolate.
You know This is why we have online shopping. So you don't have to go through Dante's seven levels of hell in one go. Next time I will Olx.com...
Actually i think thats for selling stuff. Oh yes. Now i remember. Olx
Subh kuch bikta hai.
^ Beware this is scarily accurate. I once tried selling my cousin on this.
Long story short. I had 15 buyers. Its evident they haven't met him.
Well bye for now.
I must go drown my sorrows in dood patti.

Date a girl... obssessed with 80's movies

Her smile is unadulterated by the cynical realities of our world that have jaded you so terribly, which is irksome. Today nobody is like that. Nobody is like her. The sunlight doesnt skirt around her like it does with him. The shadows never embrace her either; the way they shroud him so provocatively. It is unnatural. Surprising.
He doesnt get surprised that often... most importantly he doesnt want to get surprised, because guys like him never get girls like her, guys like him have predetermined the threads of their fate.. and it doesnt involve entangling himself with someone like That.

"Thats why they call them crushes. If they were easy they'd call them something else"

He sees it all coming a mile away. Everything. When mom and dad split up everyone was shocked, confused ,gobsmacked ; giving all the right answers but asking all the wrong questions. Cruel irony was his constant companion. But he did see it coming. He saw it the day his mother turned to the bottle and his father turned on her. He saw it the day she walked out of their happy happy home with a black eye and a torn blouse ; a tribute to twenty years of marriage.
Since then life had become tedious , its occupants even more. But that was before the girl with glasses just too big for her face and a book just too big for her hands stumbled into his life , took one look at him and said "Stop feeling sorry for yourself, its bad for your complexion".
Because thats when he noticed that the shadows never shrouded her. They lurked in her sad cerulean eyes instead. It wasnt like he cared or anything. He was just curious ; she wasnt supposed to be like this. It didnt upset Him..it just upsetted his equilibrium. So he took one step forward and she took one back. Till she took one step forward and he took one back. A toxic tango they could not explain nor justify.
And suddenly one minute turned into two hours and two hours into a week. Just like that he knew everything and nothing about her and he just Liked everything and anything about her which is ludicrous. The sunlight glinting off her glossy raven curls seemed mesmerising and the flecks of gray in her eyes when she was happy seemed just so precious.
But then just as quickly he felt like icarus flying too close to the sun. His own feelings overwhelmed him and it was just Too Much. The walls were closing in on him and so she had to stand there in the rain waiting for a call that never came.
Her clothes were soaked but no more than her eyes were ;  her head ached but no more than her heart did. So she walked. And then she ran. Till she was standing outside his house banging on the front door. And the minute he opened it , his head hung low , his shifting gaze confused . She just said, as simply as she had on the first day they met "The world is full of guys , Be a Man. "
It was the last thing he expected, just when he thought he had finally done it ; finally given in to his sick ,compulsive need to screw up anything good , anyone good.
"It's not that easy!" He shouted desperately.
She whipped around and took the plunge
"I know you're scared but so am I ;
of everything. I'm scared of what I saw. I'm scared of what I did. Im scared of who I am. And most of all I'm scared of walking away from this and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you."
And then she was gone and there was only silence and all the things left unsaid because it felt like she had taken everything with her. His reason. His choice. His heart.

"She's gone. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen."

The night seemed to last forever, the tears didn't seem to stop. The pain gave no indication of giving her a break either. But slowly in the way of all our heartaches and all our griefs, pain gave way to exhaustion and her eyes felt heavy and her body felt heavy and she finally gave in.
There are lots of ways their story could have ended. They could have moved on. They could have met years later. They could have accepted this as another one of the lots life gives us. Another section of their lives to pack away, to bottle up inside. A usual to two people who have Just been hurt so much they have nothing better to hope for.
But that morning she woke up inexplicably to the crooning melody of 'In Your Eyes' by Peter Gabriel; and when she groaned in irritation because it was just Too Early, dragging herself to the window to shut it out even though it was her favourite song she was indeed shocked to see him standing on her balconey with what else than a boombox held high.
The funny thing was that his sad brown eyes didn't look that sad anymore and his permanent frown didn't look that permanent; he just looked unsure, expectant. As he brought down the boombox and put it aside , holding up a hand to stop her from speaking , he turned to her and said slowly
"I love that you get cold when it is 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwhich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after i spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And i love that you are the last person i want to talk to before i go to sleep at night."
And everything suddenly made sense, and everything was suddenly all right because they were exactley where they wanted to be; with each other , the world was their oyster and life and its burdens suddenly seemed Worth it. So They Lived Happily Ever After.
"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."